Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave , a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words. The cover and theme for my newest book was inspired by the concept of kintsugi. All that is dark or cracked within us has the capacity to be fixed, to be filled with light.
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We are never broken. We are always becoming. Nothing terrifies me more than being so close to someone and then watching them become a stranger again.
Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. You may unsubscribe at any time. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. Blows up your insta after dropping off the face off the earth for weeks. Make plans just to cancel. Sends you a snapchat at an odd hour just to see if you open it and answer.
Create a category, make a post, join the fun! If A texts B a day or two later with a proposal for the next date, what is a reasonable amount of time for B to respond? And more importantly, if a day or two goes by without response, what is the correct protocol? It's really the second question that personally drives me batty and which prompted me to ask the question.
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On the one hand, people get busy, sometimes A or B might be out of town for a bit, people miss texts or neglect to respend when they mean to. So, some kind of follow up is reasonable, right? But and I suspect I may be over-sensitive on this point I hate, hate, hate feeling like I'm bothering someone, like I'm being pushy and demanding and chasing them when they're not interested.
I mean, on the one hand, if you have a nice date with someone, text them to set up another, they don't respond and you end up never speaking to them again Or maybe something crazy happened in their life or maybe they're just a flake. So is a straight one-for-one policy the best way to go? You send one text, if they never answer you don't make a second attempt? That also seems drastic, and kind of uptight, demanding an exact tit-for-tat at all times.
I feel like I need some exterior perspective on this, because I can easily drive myself round the twist trying to figure this stuff out. Everyone will have different answers for this based on personal expectations and there is no One True Way. So I can only give you my personal opinion. If someone wants to see you again, especially in the heady first dates period, they will be waiting for your text and checking to make sure they haven't missed one. If they don't reply they're not that interested so move on - forget the people who are too busy and hold out for someone who is excited to see your name flash up, thinking "Yess!
If someone I was interested in were to text me then I'd reply pretty much asap - not in a needy way, but in a "why play games? If I want to see them, and they ask to meet, I reply and agree. No "wait a day or you'll seem desperate" BS. YMMV posted by billiebee at For me, regardless of whether I'm texting someone I'm dating, just friends with, family, or even just an acquaintance, if they haven't responded to me in two days, I'm pretty annoyed. I would definitely follow up to confirm that they received the text.
Well, if you're willing to drop the relationship entirely over an un-answered text, you literally have nothing to lose so there is no reason not to pick up the phone and say "Hey, I was wondering if you got my text about the circus and if you had any interest in going. If you don't get a response after a day or two, I would send a follow-up text after 3 days or later. I've seen people advise that it's okay even to send a 3rd text, but nobody ever says okay to send a fourth.
I would be more concerned that either my text did not reach them, or theirs did not reach me, or something along those lines than anything else. I had this happen to me once and wondered what was going on, and found out much later that the woman in question had tried to send a voicemail and it did not go through. I wish I'd tried once more. I would not worry about whether you're bothering them. If it's really bothering them and they're interested, they will take this as a sign that they need to communicate better, and if it's bothering them and they're not interested, they will let you know rather than continue with the pocket veto.
If B doesn't respond to a post-date text within a day or two, A ought to go the old-fashioned route and DIAL the number to follow up with a real phone call. Then A says something along the lines of, "Hey! Had a nice time the other day.
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Just wanted to follow up on my text from Tuesday and suggest we get together again soon. Give me a call, and in the meantime have a great day. A texted, A called.
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If B doesn't respond in a timely manner post date in any way whatsoever, B is an inconsiderate jerk—or dead. Just as a data point, day before yesterday, my phone suddenly delivered a week's worth of texts to me from a friend all at the same time. It's not the first time I've seen texts go missing or be delayed, but this is by far the most extreme example.
Anyway, the lesson here is what DarlingBri points out: My "rules" are basically meant to minimize my anxiety because I'm the kind of person that can take a half hour to write a one sentence text if I'm crushing hard on someone. To that end, I text them once, remind them once a few days later, and then assume they weren't interested in dating if they don't respond. I would say that one follow up is generally appropriate if you don't get a response to a text within a day or so, with one caveat: While everyone has their own rules, seeing as you're both adults you can try them a second time if you like and add something like "If you want me to buzz off I hear you I was tortured last year by someone I hadn't even met yet, but was just talking to from a dating site, and the thing that killed it was his insane insistence that I answer texts in a time period HE deemed reasonable.
Even though I am not much of a text person and even though I often do not even have my phone on me on a non-work day. The idea that some have proposed here that if someone doesn't respond to one text they aren't interested is, to use the technical term, bat-shit-insane.
As you pointed out, OP, someone may not have even received your text, they may have received it and thought they responded but didn't. Or they may, like me, literally have no idea where their phone even is because they aren't tied to it like much of the world seems to expect these days. As for how you deal with not receiving a response to your text, you could go about it in a variety of ways. You could try another method of communication, like email or voice I am much more of an email person, and would respond to that quicker.
He has complimented you on your eyes and your hair and your body but he has never complimented you on anything internal. He invites you over to his place to watch Netflix but he never takes you on an official date in public where other people will see you.
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He sleeps with you and might even cuddle with you for a little while but he always leaves before morning instead of staying the night and eating breakfast together. He promises you that he will introduce you to his parents and take you out for drinks with his friends but he never follows through. He has intense, in-depth conversations with you about the universe but he never gives out any personal information about himself. He gets jealous whenever you spend too much time with another boy but he is surrounded by other girls all the time. He tells you how much he likes you but he also tells you he is not ready for a relationship right now.
He talks to you nonstop over the phone but never makes time to see you in person. He acts flirtatious one week and makes you think a real relationship is on the horizon — and then goes missing the next week and makes you wonder whether he is ever going to reappear or whether he is gone for good this time.